Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
