Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
