I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
