I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
