Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
