after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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