Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
