We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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