i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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