oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
