I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
