It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
