Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
