I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
