She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
