this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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