Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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