So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
