so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
