but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
