dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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