So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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