Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
