I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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