Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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