Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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