my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
