do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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