I can text with my tongue
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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