i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
