I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
