Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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