On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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