never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
