I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
