i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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