I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
