I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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