i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
there's paper in my vomit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
