How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
