She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
