Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
