Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my poor anus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
