I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize