just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
