FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
