Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize