I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
