peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
