just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
