Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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