I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
