To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
