just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
