mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
