Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
