Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
