He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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