i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
