just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.