awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.