the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"