how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.