I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.