It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
